RS (rainbowstevie) wrote,

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#3 is the only happy thing in this post.

1. THAT'S IT. I am now universally blocking everyone on the LJ homepage who utters the words "Sad Puppies" or "Hugo." First of all, it's been days; talk about something else, secondly, stop tricking me with implications that you are posting cute puppy pictures and/or stories of puppies who need help.

2. Survivor: I'm not going to act like it is astonishly horrible to say that someone should be slapped, because I am way past that level of violence toward Dan while also having had similar feelings about Shirin and every small child who's ever screamed in a store, but he's just so smug and self-righteous about how he thinks he's smarter than everyone (and also possibly has Nice Guy mindset) that we've determined him to be grosser than Rodney at this point.

Shirin's reaction to his nonsensical taunting was pitch perfect and exactly what I would have done, except better, because I would not have had the willpower to stop from guffawing in Dan's face. And then it would have bitten me in the ass when my ally got voted out and I was proven wrong, at least for one round. So although I still don't think I would willingly spend time in her company, for one episode she was moderately less annoying.

Zip lining + pizza picnic = one of the best rewards this season.

Also, as lukewarm as I feel about Joe, watching him become a challenge monster feels wonderful.

3. Two weeks ago I watched The Dovekeepers, which I didn't realize until it aired was only a miniseries and not a regular series, and which I very determinedly watched without any outside opinion. I got the sense that it was not going to be well received, and the ratings definitely sucked, but I don't care.

Out of curiosity, I looked up the book on Goodreads, where I got stuck laughing at this review and determined I would never be able to make it through the book. So this is just going on the TV/movie version:

This story has a weird amount of an excessive focus on adultery, for people who are otherwise willing to die to uphold the rules of the Bible and not betray their faith, so shrugging that off is pretty much a requirement for enjoying anything. And I know that a lot of it was on the melodramatic and possibly even soap opera levels of over the top (especially from the scenery-chewing Evil Roman Empire guys), but when you let go of critical thoughts and decide to just enjoy something, it's a really wonderful experience.

Cote de Pablo was amazing and I bought that relationship on both a soulmate and physical chemistry level (mostly the latter. The rest was more a product of "I want to believe"). I also really loved her Egyptian henna designs.  And her children. And her nickname, because "The Witch of Moab" makes me want an entire book dedicated to the myth. And her relationship with Yael, who was a lot less sympathetic on her own when not rescuing Nordic prisoners, but so pretty I was willing to overlook it.

Look at that, it's been two weeks and I've already lost the ability to be coherent about it, so I'm going to give up there. Just know that I liked it a lot and would watch it again.

4. Last week, I watched Seeking A Friend For the End of the World because apparently I'm on a 2015 quest to watch all of Keira Knightley's films where she doesn't get naked. My mom really loved it by the end, but the more I saw the angrier I got that Steve Carell was in it. There is SO MUCH potential in this script; it could have been one of my favorite movies, but it just does not succeed with his face.

First of all, your title is a liiiiiiiiie. Based on the summary, which was also the only reason I agreed to watch a movie where Steve Carell was her co-star, I was so excited to think I was watching a movie where the tired "male and female in close proximity eventually bond and fall in love" trope was thoroughly bucked and their obvious lack of chemistry kept them happily in the friend zone until at least one of them met viable love interests. Instead, false. That trope is exactly what happened.

Second, Steve Carell has the same amount of sex appeal as 2015 Chevy Chase, which I hope you interpreted as "none," and an equal level of romantic appeal. He could possibly pull off paternal love. If I compartmentalized certain scenes like the forehead kiss very hard, I could accept that. But no matter how sweet his character in this film was, that face is just not a face you want to fall asleep with. There is a reason I can barely look at Michael Scott's kisses with his soulmate Holly, and it's not just because I hate Michael Scott.

To be fair, my mom kept pointing out that "they don't even really kiss that much in this movie," but that just made me howl with anguish because -- a love story where it's more about their emotional connection than their physical one? This could have been so great.

My excuse to mom was that he looked like her father, but we all know I have no qualms with age difference if you hit the chemistry right. Like, at this point, I could have handled William Petersen better, and he looks old enough to be her grandfather. (Once you have shipped GSR, you're amenable to that face for life.)

It probably didn't help that they dug the knife in with that red herring (red envelope of symbolism??) of a high school sweeheart calling him the love of her life and wanting to reunite. YOU KNOW THAT HIGH SCHOOL SWEETHEARTS ARE STILL MY SORE SPOT. WHAT IF BLAINE HAD RUN OFF WITH SOME YOUNG IDIOT INSTEAD OF MIRACULOUSLY APPEARING ON KURT'S DOORSTEP IN THIS SCENARIO.

But just the thought of them looking at each other with love is utterly mindblowing in its levels of negative chemistry. I've never in my life seen two people with less romantic chemistry. Go ahead, name any heterosexual ship I hate and I can almost promise you I find it to have more chemistry than this. Michael Scott/Pam's Mom. I'd rather watch that. Puck/Shelby, I don't even care, bring it. Britta/Troy is like a hot cavern of burning lust. Morgan/Hodges: a passionate love affair for the ages. I can and will go on until you stop me.
Tags: movie reviews, survivor, tv commentary
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