I finished 2 Broke Girls for the year.
The Look of the Irish/Minor Problem: Loved him stumbling into the modeling gig, with Caroline as manager. And Max freaking out at her cradle-robbing. (how old did she really think he was, though? Okay, probably what I assumed, which was 19-21).
Grate Expectations: oh god, I never need to see that Oleg/Han ending again. What a perfect storm of visual hideousness. To be honset, I couldn't even let myself see it the first time, so thankfully the memory is not burned into my brain. Otherwise, with the exception of that oaf Mary, I am enjoying the moving of The High to the airport. It's like the season 2 cupcake shop all over again. I also liked Caroline's dashing pilot, though it seemed like he was going to be more integral to the storyline than he was.
And the Disappointing Unit a.k.a. The Wedding: awww, that was fun. Especially Oleg riding a beautifully decked-in-flowers Chestnut down the aisle. But especially the part where none of the annoying supporting cast was in scenes and it was just Max and Caroline. Chatting with over-the-top flight attendants, one of whom is a super loud and delightful Caroline Rhea. Riding subways with a giant box of wedding dress and a purse full of coins. Remembering for the umpteenth time they have their own cupcake shop. Failing for the umpteenth time to realize the DINER can be the job they quit*, not their cooler job. Just good times!
*Do they make $300 a day there? Is the flexibility and job security that important? I just cannot figure out why even full time work there would be more profitable than all the more pretigious jobs they've taken. They need to explain this in a way that's not "we're contractually obligated to employ the Diner workers to have lines."
And also, finally, Survivor.
There was only one really memorable part before Pre-Tribal Council: the family reunion was super weak this year, but I'm pretty sure Mike's mom was by far the best relative, and she is the only reason I'm happy he won that challenge so we could see more of her delightful face and personality.
At tribal, I am happy to say that Jenn did not disappoint. From start to finish, everything she said was glorious. I plugged my ears through most of what everyone else said, because I'm still too embarrassed to listen.
I cannot believe Mike won. REMEMBER THAT TIME I WAS LIKE, "WHY ARE YOU VOTING KELLY, YOU NEED TO GET RID OF MIKE"? I will just say that Carolyn's look at the finale show was well justified and matched mine. I expected it to be an almost-tie between them even if he did win -- ONE VOTE*? TIED WITH WILL?? DAMN IT. I finally understand Reed's sense of 2nd place justice, because Carolyn was flippin' miles ahead of him. And the worst part is that I can't even think of anything she could have done better, unlike that lump whose apparently single greatest accomplishment was sharing food.
She made SO many great moves (Jenn's "Carolyn did nothing" thing is the only thing she's said this entire season, other than other anti-Carolyn statements and swearing, that I haven't liked), from not making enemies to flipping on Tyler to weasel herself into an end position to being a hardy challenge competitor to playing her idol like a champion to -- albeit very slowly -- earning her way into the final 3 by making the best fire. SHE WORKED SO HARD, AND GOT SO FAR, AND IN THE END IT DIDN'T EVEN MATTER.
Also, did you see her face when it was announced that she wasn't going to be part of next season? She was pissed. I was pissed. The only thing that could have made it worse was freaking SHIRIN making it onto next season. FREAKING SHIRIN. I hate every woman (you know they're like 90% women) who was all, "awww, I see so much of myself in Shriin!" and/or "People r mean dummies! :(" who voted her in. (My mom is one of the traitors who grew to like her.) That's even worse than having to live with the knowledge that Freaking Shirin was the only reason you tied for second.
At least I can take solace in her "high school sweethearts/fairy tale marriage.
Also, if Rodney had been on the second chance ballot, I'm sorry to say I probably would have voted for him. It's just really impressive that I'm pretty sure he had the most agonizing run in Survivor history, having to spend basically all but what, 2 days? of the entire season out there with zero rewards, being just shut out of the Final Three, AND while knowing that he could have been in the final 3 if he had just been better at making fire. Plus I was impressed by him giving a loyalty friendship vote to Will at the end. I respect that voting rationale even if I don't respect the person who benefited.
Speaking of Rodney, how awesome/ridiculous did he look trying to get cleaned up for the reunion show? Dude looked about as natural and confident in a tuxedo as a dog. And even then, I think he could have pulled off the sporting blue tux if he had just cut his ridiculous Jersey Shore grease curls.
Speaking of the reunion show, HOW TERRIBLE WAS THAT, RIGHT? Mike got to talk for a little while because it's required by law that winners say something, Joe at least got a nice moment to talk about his marital status (single) and how cute he is, and then the ENTIRE FREAKING SHOW was dominated by the failbots who dominated this season's screen time getting to rehash the same garbage of yelling and whining. If Shirin says "I was verbally assaulted" one more time I'm going to start imagining physical assault. There is a point where "shining a spotlight on abuse/sexism" turns into "insistently permanent victimhood" and it comes at about the third time you tell the same story to the same audience. ALL RIGHT. Being yelled at by men makes you cry. All you're doing at this point is making me realize why men yell at you and that it means they're probably not such bad dudes after all.
Meanwhile, I feel sorry for Dan's wife. That guy is worse than Shirin at not knowing when he is unwanted and needs to stop talking.
Also, Mike continues to disappoint me by losing his accidentally-got-attractive-with-an-awes
The only really fun part, besides Joe, was Jeff's hilarious presentation of a birthday cake and hat for Rodney. BEST SURPRISE EVER. Made even sweeter by the fact that he cut Dan's ranting and tantrum-throwing short to do it.
Finally, there was the delightfully early announcement of next season's cast, where to my pleasant surprise, I am only strongly disappointed by the inclusion of one dude and by two horrible women taking the rightful place of two awesome women I really wanted**. There are still some unknowns, so I reserve the right to get my hate on, but still! Here is our cast, in rough order of my current favorite to least favorite. After making this list I've realized there are actually only about half a dozen people I'm super excited to see again, but we'll see how it goes.
Stephen Fishbach, Season 18 (lord I hope the island makes him go back to looking like Josh Groban)
Tasha Fox, Season 28
Joe Anglim, Season 30 (I dunno, I like him now apparently.)
Spencer Bledsoe, Season 28
Jeremy Collins, Season 29
Woo Hwang, Season 28
Kelly Wiglesworth, Season 1
Kelley Wentworth, Season 29
Kimmi Kappenberg, Season 2
Keith Nale, Season 29
Peih-Gee Law, Season 15
Monica Padilla, Season 19
Kass McQuillen, Season 28**
Jeff Varner, Season 2
Terry Deitz, Season 12
Andrew Savage, Season 7
Ciera Eastin, Season 27
Vytas Baskauskas, Season 27
Shirin Oskooi, Season 30.
Abi-Maria Gomes, Season 25
*Kass is a wild card at this point. I know I said I didn't want her, but I actually got kind of happy when they said her name? VILLAINHOOD! But the cool kind of villain, where they're actually fun to dislike. Technically I think she might actually be between Woo and Kelly in terms of "most looking forward to seeing again."
Also, related to the wanting-easily-digestible-shows aspect, I chewed through the last 2 episodes of Chicago Fire because I couldn't wait to see how Chilli's integration into the crew progressed. That was clearly dumb, because now I don't want to rewind to the beginning, or even the rest of season 3, because I'm at this point NOW and I don't want to watch terrible decisions unfold and know where they end up, I just want to move forward. Except now it's the end of the season and it's not coming back until November, ARGH!
But for those 2 episodes, I pretty much loved every minute because this show is great at being the only show longer than a sitcom that is super-fun to watch but has not yet made me emotionally invested in anyone. The fires are still ridiculously exciting to watch them fight. I love Formerly Steve from Sex and the City taking Chilli under his wing like a surrogate father. Also, on a superficially invested level, I really delight in Chief Boden and his Super Stern Face and Super Deep Voice. I'm a little bit over Jesse Spencer['s character] given how they've gotten themselves into a lame Ross and Rachel season 8 situation, but that just means other people are more fun. Still pretty fond of Seaver as a Guy's Guy, for instance. Also, I'm kind of curious to know how Jesse Spencer's going to get himself out of the mob hit he's clearly been marked for.