So, below the cut, you will find my quick-hit impressions of all 45 fall and midseason options (except a select few I've elected to ignore the existence of), based mainly on just a cast photo and summary, sorted under subheaders crafted from slightly altered song lyrics.
The categories go from most to least promising, but the shows in each one are just in alphabetical order.
Piqued My Interest, So Watch Them Maybe
Best Time Ever With Neil Patrick Harris: What!! I didn't know this existed. Could definitely be fun, mostly because there is nothing good on television at 9:00 EVER, including syndication stations.
Blood and Oil: CHACE CRAWFORD! I can't actually accurately judge this one because the amount I want to see Chace Crawford's character in action (scruff! married! rugged clothing! Texas!) eclipses all else, including my ability to understand what the plot is.
Containment: The most interesting premise of the lot -- When a mysterious and deadly epidemic breaks out in Atlanta, a vast urban quarantine is quickly enforced, forcing those stuck on the inside to fight for their lives while local and federal officials desperately search for a cure. -- but it's the CW, and they tend to promise more than they can deliver. Also the cast does not grab me.
Chicago Med: put it in holding with the other Chicago shows if I ever get around to them. Otherwise I'll see you when SVU crosses over.
Criminal Minds: Beyond Borders: again, might watch it if I trip over it. I forgot they dumped the dull lady from Breaking Bad and got Alana de le Garza.
Emerald City: hmmm. A midseason "event series"? I could be here for this.
Of Kings and Prophets: "An epic Biblical saga of faith, ambition and betrayal" is enough to keep me from shooting it down on site, and that's really the only reason it's in the top level. That and it's on ABC, not the CW, so I shall reserve judgment until I see some previews/reviews.
Shades of Blue: I could definitely potentially enjoy this, though I also think that if I'm gonna get invested in a lady detective it's
gonna be Laura, as in The Mysteries Of, first.
Superstore: if it makes me laugh, I could see enjoying this
You Look So Dull Right Now
Crazy Ex-Girlfriend: Doesn't excite me, though I'm glad to see CW try a comedy, especially one that looks like it's meant for ABC.
The Catch: I wrote this down ten minutes ago and I already can't remember what it means. Something about fraud? A person who investigates fraud becoming the victim of it?
DC's Legends of *ZZZZ*: I got bored before I finished typing the title. Avengers on the small screen.
Dr. Ken: [Jeong] Nope.
The Family: ZACH GILFORD! Looking hot as all hell. But the plot looks tired and recycled.
Game of Silence: some sort of boring complex drama starring David Lyons, whose Revolution creds do not get him past that show
Grandfathered: Very good cast (Stamos! Milian! Brewster!), still not excited.
The Grinder: You know I do not enjoy Rob Lowe. He can't star in anything unless he's playing an android or humanoid alien.
Hot and Bothered: is this that telenovela nonsense?
LOOKINGGLASS: "given a second chance at life when he is brought back from the dead" PASS
Lucifer: I didn't read past the title before saying no.
Minority Report: not a good movie, not a good show
The Muppets: what is the world's fascination with muppets?
The Player: action packed snore
Quantico: yeah no NCIS is all the bureaucracy I need for the year
Rosewood: I'm all outta love for cop shows.
Rush Hour: not a good movie, not a good show
Truth Be Told: I just can't see how this low-budget-looking comedy will thrill me, Tedward or no
Uncle Buck: *reads title* Nope.
You, Me and the End of the World: Jenna Fischer has a new show?? Cool! But also no because it looks bland.
And I'm Like, Forget YouBlindspot: Covered in tattoos? Nope.
Code Black: The premise has promise, but the cast fails. If you expect me to believe Luis Guzman is smart enough to get into college, much less be a doctor, you have another thing coming.
Crowded: OH EXCRUCIATING GUILT-INDUCING SECONDHAND EMBARRASSMENT NO.
The Guide to Surviving Life: dude bro boredom. Way worse than regular boredom.
Heartbreaker: NHF Melissa George.
Heroes Reborn: not then, not now, not ever
Scream Queens: my faint interest in this ended when I saw Lea Michele looking the way Glee pretended she looked in the pilot. While I'm sure it's great fun for her to play, it is in no way fun for me to look at.
Supergirl: as previously discussed, no.
Wicked City: Ed Westwick is in the middle of this cast photo, so NOPE.
I Hope You DieAngel From Hell: Jane Lynch being obnoxious
Bordertown: oh gross Family Guy no
Life in Pieces: I've seen so many previews and they're all gross
Limitless: I have seen 9053 previews for this extreme blandness over the summer and I hate it more with every one. (see also "not a good movie, not a good show")
The Real O'Neals: NOPE on playing the "check out these hypocrite Catholics!" card.
Overall: I think what impresses me most is all the veteran TV players not currently attached to a show who've come out to take a new shot at it. The more I look at this list, the more I love how TV is like a big ol' college campus where people never graduate. LOOK AT ALL THESE GREAT FAMILIAR FOLK. Even the ones I don't like are almost nice to see, the way you're always happy to be back at school for 2 or 3 days until you remember that homework sucks.