OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDD.
YOU REMEMBER THE ONE REASON I AGREED TO SEE THIS MOVIE, RIGHT? THE ONE REASON?
(I can't believe I thought them being broken up was the worst possible outcome)
You remember how I basically quit TV this year because pretty much every television show in the world destroyed love, right?
I am...so angry. I am in a place beyond anger. I'm not even upset. I mean, I might be upset later, but right now I am a hot lava-spewing volcano of righteous, murderous rage. DID I NOT JUST GO THROUGH THIS EXACT SAME CRAP ON SLEEPY HOLLOW.
When I progress to the depression stage of grief*, I will probably end up in that place where I attempt to sabotage my own relationship because love is worthless and stupid and doomed to fail so why should I bother even trying to make it last forever, but right now I just want to kill everybody involved in this decision.
(fact: I already experienced extreme denial after he got stabbed, all the way up until the point where the planet (ship?) exploded in a fireball and I concluded he was probably not coming out of that. Like, my jaw dropped at first sight, but then I rationalized, "Nah. Not possible. Too iconic. I will just patiently wait for his miraculous recovery, like that dumb Po guy." I might even have waited until after the Millenium Falcon landed again. MAYBE CHEWIE SECRETLY STOWED HIM AWAY IN THE CARGO AREA TO RECOVER FROM HIS WOUNDS!)
And because I am so primed for rage, I have concluded that the best place to lay the character blame...is on that girl. Because the way I see it, it seems like it's set up to tell us we shouldn't be too bothered about the loss of an iconic character, because hey, at least we still get to watch an awesome heroine! Is that it? Because that's what it looks like, based on her focus continuing until the last scene, and I will not let you manipulate me into being okay with your traitorous decisions.
No praise. Try to talk up how annoying/inferior she is. Maybe aim for an end result being that no young women ever take center stage at the expense of awesome heroic action dudes again. Is that the message you want me to take away from this. I am quite sure it is not, so punishing the innocent and attempting to sabotage the advancement of equal screen time for female characters feels like the only way I can strike back enough.
The worst thing is that I honestly did think she was great up until the Point of No Return...but then for some inexplicable reason there was still a lot of plot after that. What? Why? Are you really banking on the idea that I will want to keep watching this stupid girl do stuff when THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IS DEAD*? You're not getting away with that.
*Leia is technically of equal importance, but in my head she perished of grief on the spot because I don't have the heart to think about her on her own, and I don't want to watch her do stuff after this either. If I'm out, so is everyone I care about.
As for Luke? Luke, whom I was beyond excited for them to find from the moment I read the prologue text a.k.a. finally found out what this movie was going to be about? My reaction was basically "get out of here, you are human garbage." You can't possibly think I care even slightly about seeing Luke again for his own sake. Or that I have aaaaaaaany curiosity whatsoever about the next part of the trilogy now.
So, yeah. I'm not going to tell you anything I liked about this movie, even though there was a ton of it up to a certain point, because ultimately it's a garbage film and it deserves to be shunned and forgotten. Boyfriend confirmed there is pretty much no way Han is still alive, but that it is not improbable he could return for some ghostly mentor stuff, to continue the Obi Wan Kenobi theme. To which my reaction was a vitriolic WELL OBI WAN DIDN'T HAVE A WIFE TO GET BACK TO TO MAKE US CARE WHETHER HE WAS ALIVE OR NOT, DID HE.
The true worst part is that boyfriend was so excited to see this with me, and I don't even know how he felt about because I couldn't handle leaving my island of boiling rage long enough to talk to him afterward. Nor could I make myself shut up. The rage would not stay inside. I started out quiet-angry, but within 10 minutes it led to lashing out and snarling and basically BOW BEFORE MY WRATH. I think he was actually kind of upset about how things went down, albeit more willing to try and rationalize it, but he was too busy trying to deal with my feelings to process his own and I didn't really give him a chance to talk about anything else. Which is really bad because this is his thing and I was supposed to only have 5% emotional investment, but it turned into all about me. Now I need to rectify that, too.
I am never caring about anything fictional ever again. Literally no one is writing happy love stories and I'm sick of it.
It has been over 2.5 hours since I got home and I can't think of anything else to add to this post, but I am STILL BOILING MAD and not even slightly tired or even inclined to cry. I don't know what else to do. I definitely can't look for like-minded opinions because if in the process I see any positive reviews, it will both enrage me and feel like it's ripping my soul apart in fresh agony. I wish I hadn't seen this. If I'd just read a spoiler, I might have processed it with the same ruthless efficiency I wrote off X-Files, but because I experienced it it's doomed to fester for god knows how long.