There is a 60-page document of "rantviews" (i.e. stream of consciousness reactions, in epic detail) covering several season 8 and 9 episodes near the end of each respective year. I don't have time to read that whole thing just now, but uh...that's coming. In excerpt form. Or actually, right now I'm going to grant you the gift of the "Rainbow's Rating" summary I put at the end of each one as a preview. I was using the same handle but not calling myself RS yet, apparently.
Medusa: A MotW in sweeps month? What were they drinking? It’s not as gross as The Gift, but it’s dull.
Per Manum: I don’t care if everyone else disparaged the hell out of it. Not only did the end scene drive me wild, the other flashbacks were good and GOD HELP ME I even liked most of the plot.
This Is Not Happening: I HATE CLIFFHANGERS!!!!!!! (in retrospect: That was a beautiful and moving episode with too much Absalom and Reyes time but good all the same)
DeadAlive: Um, the ending sort of glazed over my memory of the plot so it goes without saying, DEADALIVE ROCKED.
Three Words: That episode so sucked. It’s not 3 words, but 6: Paranoid pain-in-the-ass Mulder.
Vienen: It wasn’t bad/it wasn’t great. It was OK. The ending broke my heart horribly.
[bonus: the reasons why][Extra excerpt! This is the worst heartbreak all season. And you know why? It’s because there isn’t any hope. Mulder’s abducted? It’s only the beginning of the season. CC always gives us creepy cliffhangers then. Mulder’s dead? Well, the season finale is closer but there’s still a lot of time to work and a lotta episodes for him to still appear in. Mulder’s fired with 3 episodes to go before DD leaves forever? That’s final.
I’m starting to wish were back in the first part of the season - I mean, it was horrid when they weren’t looking for him, but in the first 2 eps nobody knew how the disappearance would play out and wasn’t it fun to imagine how lonely and heartbroken she must have been, wishing for him every day; to search the stars and believe he’s out there, somewhere? THAT was an X-File if I ever heard one. But now the hope is gone.]
Essence: The first half was better than the second half. I liked discussion of the baby. When the alien colonization theory reared its ugly head again, I glared sullenly at the screen and decided I was tired of Scully and her beige suit.
Existence: Um. I think there was a plot. And the plot probably sucked. And CC knew it, so he devised this perfect ending that would make all his fans either drool in stupified happiness or scream and throw things around the room and thus forget the plot. The former worked on me, and all I can think about is The Kiss, so I think it must have been a great episode.
(In other words) *looks around groggily* Wasn’t this the entire episode? --> [image of final kiss]
Nothing Important Happened Today (part 1): I’ve never seen a premiere suck before. “Rest assured, I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world.”
NIHT part 2: OK. That was one dumb old ending. And as for the episode, um, snoring my head off, my fears and questions about Mulder are only slightly abated, and BOY HOWDY THAT EPISODE SUCKED! [2016 Note: Yes. 15-year-old Me said "boy howdy." I think we should bring it back as a replacement for "holy hell," myself.]
Trust No 1: [I don't actually have a typed review, but I need you to know that my handwritten journal is like six pages of shrieking and sobbing tears of happiness as I recap its emotional impact. Starting with... "EEEEEEEEEEEEEE! CC ROCKS I LOVE HIM "TRUST NO 1" ROLLED ON WITH INCREASING WAVES OF PERFECTION!!!"]
Underneath: Well, that was a mildly confusing hour, occasionally broken up the insanely funny SATAN-JESUS MAN! [ed. note: watch it again. The bad guy totally looks like Jesus.] But honestly, that was not one of the better episodes. The plot wasn’t too interesting, there were no hot guest stars, and Scully left no impressions…sort of a filler hour which I’ll have to place near the bottom in rankings this year.
Improbable: Well, it was by no means great. There were some funny looks thrown by Scully, but overall I was sort of bored by it. Reminds me of the two bad weeks we had last February where they showed “The Gift” and “Medusa,” two snoozers, in a row.
Scary Monsters: It was actually a fairly decent episode for having so many main characters thrown in there. I enjoyed the plot, the setting was pretty good.
Jump the Shark: It was a WONDERFUL hour. It’s been weeks and weeks since I’ve seen the show at this level of quality. It was a perfect drawing together of the Lone Gunmen series as well as the X-Files series, perfect for the ending, emotional and heartbreaking and stellar. All the best elements just came together in this one. These actors have perfect chemistry. I will not soon forget that touching ending. Nothing touches “Trust No One,” but “Jump the Shark” is really giving it a run for its money. This is easily #2 all season so far, and very close to #1.
William: I cried at the end of it. I literally choked up and cried.
Release: The first half was mildly confusing as they tried to justify how they could turn Luke’s murder case into an X-Files episode by finding something paranormal about it…in this case, a psychic mental patient connecting two murders. However, by the end, while I preferred Mulder’s closure in “Closure,” this one was good too. The ending gains power with time, as little by little I realize how powerful and meaningful this episode, especially the last segment, truly was. It offered wonderful insight into Doggett’s character, and to Reyes’ position. These final episodes continue to shock me with their high caliber, far surpassing the earlier part of the season. “Release” settles comfortably into fourth place, only because nothing centering around “The Next Files” could shake the firm power of the original heart of the series that was the focus of “Trust No One,” “Jump the Shark,” and “William.”
Sunshine Days: a long and confusing episode that sort of bored me until we got to the end of it and the two heartwarming scenes and I decided, “Gee, this really wasn’t too bad after all.” How very odd this season was. There was a lot of crap, brightened by that lone jewel “Trust No One,” and then a lot more crap, but suddenly at “Jump the Shark” the episodes kicked into high quality and stayed that way until the end.
Series Finale, The Truth: It’s official: “The Truth” was the best episode in all of Season 9. (How could it not be?) The piles of MSR were the key, but the plot was interesting enough, and the visuals were nice, and it was just so POWERFUL. It’s one of the few episodes I can watch the whole way through with minimal fast-forwarding.
BONUS CONTENTThis is the bio I wrote when I was originally planning to put my reviews on a website at some point. (you know. Hosted by Angelfire. AS YOU DID before MySpace.)
Let's see how I compare to The Tumblr Kids of Today, in terms of maturity/lack thereof. I mean, technically you have seen one level of it with my Trust No 1 commentary, but I am pretty sure I did not put that on the internet before now.
While I watch new TV shows, I have a bad habit of talking all through them and commenting on what’s happening or talking back to characters. As I watched “The Gift,” I decided to write down these reactions and make them my X-Files reviews. I have a little notebook and pen and I furiously scribble my reactions as I watch The notes are barely legible, so I type them up, writing in full the often abbreviated words and thoughts I have. These are called my Rantviews. The line breaks are wherever my thoughts switch. Also, Voice is the little voice in my head. To sum her up, she’s a sarcastic pain-in-the-ass I’ve had for about a year who advocates Mulder/Fowley and LOVES the idea of Doggett/Scully…well actually, almost any pairing that isn’t Mulder and Scully.
2016 Voice: Awww, you've always secretly loved me. And before you say it, I know, I know: go back to my Caribbean island of retirement; sheesh, I'm gone.
Other Points Of Interest:
a) I’m a cynical 15 year old girl.
b) I am a very huge MSR fan. Mulder and Scully look so dang cute! It’s amazing because as a general rule I think love and romance suck.
c) I’m also the world’s greatest anti-romantic. I hate it in all forms, and the best I’ll do is a kiss (even then, only on this show!), and then I refuse to think about anything that might happen after that. UGH!!
[2016 Note: I want you all to remember that when I lecture hypothetical teens for having the sex too early, or even reading/reblogging porny fanfic. I HAVE ALWAYS HAD THE MORAL HIGH GROUND. While, it should be noted, not calling myself asexual.]
Oh god do I need to start on work. Like, right now. Now! ...NOW! (*peeks through fingers* Am I working yet?)