Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Song Impressions: Part II
(in case you missed the earlier one here it is)
I'm still laughing at my focus on song clips, given how much grief I gave my mother for only wanting to watch Glee's performances and not actual episodes except once in a blue moon if I begged. So sorry, mother. I understand now.
1. I Give Good Parent
You're a common wench, so grovel, Valence!
This too veers really hard to the side of Too Raunchy, but it's nowhere near as awful as its explicit version, and also...IT IS HYSTERICAL. Rapping us in wearing perfect Vintage WASP Housewife attire, complete with owl brooch? And then Pimp Mama, wearing a grill, only makes things better.
2. Women Gotta Stick Together (hang on, this one's a doozy)
I listened to one verse, and then I paused it to have a mini-meltdown about how not only was she awesome and pretty with great hair, she was representing SINGER-SONGWRITER ACOUSTIC GUITAR music (while supporting sisterhood!) and she had the most amazing dress and tall gray boots on top of that.
Several hours later, I realized I hadn't finished it. I got as far as "some girls are born tall and thin, and some are short and fat" before my shock morphed into delight and I decided I liked her even better. And by the time I heard "so if some weird troll named Rebecca moves here from New York and is all up on my boyfriend...", I was like TEAM VALENCIA TO THE POWER OF A MILLION. (side note: I think I am partly echoing Dollsome here, but this is one of those hate relationships that, much like Quinn and Rachel, I am really enjoying in its hostile stages but also look forward to the possibility of them becoming genuine friends. Is the term UFT a thing? Unresolved Friendship Tension? or maybe Unresolved Rival Tension?)
Anyway, I've played this video about a thousand times because I love the extras so much and they're really working their butts off in the non-verbal communication department. I especially love watching the friend whose friend hooked up with her boyfriend in a half price sushi place. She stays SO OFFENDED even when in the way background.
But seriously, they all have such great faces and outfits, and I kind of what to befriend them all and maybe create a spin-off series devoted to them. I want to know more about Ashley! She seems nice! Hailey seems like good people too. Can someone please hire the young professional in the sensible gray pencil skirt and cardigan? What about the biker chick with a bandana? And will we ever find out the sordid history between Valence and Denise Martinez??
3. I Have Friends
I have friends, I DEFINITELY have friends
No one can say that I do not have friends
OH GOOD LORD I AM GOING TO PERISH OF ADORABLE. Why is there not a 5-minute version. Maybe two, one for Adult Rebecca (whose dress is SO PRETTY AND FLATTERING) and Young Rebecca (who is super duper cute). Also: "Janitor who lives in an RV behind the school" should clearly be at least a recurring character.
Side note: This was the perfect character introduction, but I still have no inkling whatsoever of who Mrs. Hernandez is or why she doesn't speak.
4. A Boy Band Made Up Of Four Joshes
And yet, I'm cackling. Every time I think this show has done a version of every style of music possible, they find a new one. It's lyrics are so weird; how is it so good??
5. California Christmastime
We have our own kind of Christmas carol
It's this chick named Carol, she does henna tattoos
Carol's 50, but no judgment, she's still finding herself!
Super happy, bouncy, and perhaps the most delightful/cracktastic Christmas melody I have ever heard. And Community made two entire episodes of cracktastic Christmas melodies. I also love that the polished version abruptly ends and leaves Rebecca to peter out all by herself on the stage. I love when musicals crash back into how awkward it would be to break out into random song in real life.
6. I Love My Daughter (But Not In a Creepy Way)
Now, I'm very careful where I tickle my daughter
I can see how that came out a bit confusingly
#I'M STRAIGHT UP DYING. I love how many different ways he defensively repeats the parenthetical part of the title. (bonus: tons of random shots of horses because it is the best parody of a country video ever) This is also the song where I decided Darryl was actually pretty delightful. I mean, terrible as a love interest. But an absolutely perfect Dorky Dad and someone I hope is a well-meaning and caring but also supremely inept goofball of a boss.
7. Group Hang
"That’s not in Mexico!"
"Does the chef know what Mexico IS?"
I saw this in a gifset saying it was inspired by "Whenever, Wherever," and IT IS AND IT'S AMAZING. And not just for her Shakira wig and outfit and "I'm so afraid of horses," or "it makes me so sexy-sad." I love that most of this song is like an MST3K commentary.
Textmergency -- that term just occured to me
It's gonna catch on instantly
Wait - what about..."textastrophe"
That sounds better to me
Textastrophe -- that could really spread virally
I prefer textmergency
(THEN SONG BATTLE IT OUT)
I wasn't initially sure about this because the lead singer was so greasy-looking, but then it quickly morphed into WONDER AND JOY in the form of classic 80s rock, and since this one is a last-minute July edition that I just found 5 minutes ago I'm still flailing in Instant Song Love. (also: is that Ester Dean from Pitch Perfect on drums??)
[edit: I am delighted to see this gang returns in "Where Is The Rock?" dang it, you can't leave me on that cliffhanger! Now I kind of want to watch the whole story. Right now.]
9. I'm A Good Person
It's literally 24 hours later and it's now stuck in my head, making me want to clap along and do a lot of twirling, so I think that's a sign I've grown accustomed to its face and consequently, I am moving it to a better spot in this post.
Bonus: The Greg/Rebecca Package
10. Settle For Me
This style of music is hideously dull and I ain't got no respect for it. That said, it's still on the thumbs-up list because this song is basically my life motto. Grab any non-ugly guy who offers and lock it DOWN. (...having zero date offers by age 22 changes a person.)
11. What'll It Be
Hey, west Covina
Why won't you let me break free?
Oh hey dude. Piano-Manning it up? With an infusion of Groban on the "hey, West Covina" parts? Sweet.
12. Oh My God I Think I Like You
Is there an IUD
That can stop the image of you and me?
Impression #1: AW YEAH WE MADE PROGRESS ON THIS.
Impression #2: ...weird casual hookup progress
Overall: Ack, so awks! It is irresistible, but this song made me want Carly Rae Jepsen's team to storm the studio, steal the melody and the few clean lyrics, and transform it into a way cuter and radio-friendly bubblegum pop hit suitable for preteens. This is the first time I've felt true regret about what a song on this series could have been.
Although, I have to say, somehow do not hate what I'm seeing as far as bedroom scenes in this one.
13. I Gave You A UTI
It's like...this was clearly going to be terrible, but I just had to know for sure. Spoiler alert it was. (despite a good melody and some oddly endearing shamelessness that kind of made understand why The Naked Man worked for Ted Mosby)
This is also the point where the shine went off this ship and I was forced to accept that he is a Super Average Stereotypical Dude and not a Pining Champ of any emotional substance (I can't believe my good buddy Heather would lie to me with words like "in love," but I have seen no evidence to support her claims). Of course, Rebecca is clearly not any better after her friends-with-benefits thing, so maybe I can still ship their complimentary Averageness.
Part III: Songs I Do Not Currently Love
(in the interest of completion, and because if you haven't seen me mention it by the end of this post I have not yet cottoned on to it and I'd like to reserve myself some surprises)
14. You Stupid Bitch
This one seems pretty popular, and I should like it, but my brain is having too much trouble connecting the title to the fact that it's sung in an operatic stage ballad style to remember it once I'm done. I'm trying, though.
15. Face Your Fears
*Flo voice* "Hello...standing by for fun." I guess it's nice that it's not gross.
16. Cold Showers Lead To Crack
No reaction. Fine in context, I suppose.
17. Flooded With Justice
See, you don't want to TELL me ahead of time that this is a play on one of my favorite Les Mis songs unless it is a genuinely inspiring song, because that just sets you up for me to be annoyed by its inferiority. (that said: BJ Novak cameo what??)
18. Where's The Bathroom
(notably worse than those above)
It could work in context, except...why is this shouty, angry noise so long? Especially compared to "I Have Friends"?
Songs That Should Be Banished
19. Sex With a Stranger
Tried out of irrepressible curiousity and while slightly catchy/funny at times -- please don't be a murderer! -- also, NOPE FOREVER THAT IS SO MUCH GROSS.
20. Sexy French Depression
Possibly worse than the above because it's kind of gross AND criminally boring. The memory is enough; I can't make myself listen to it again.
21. Feeling Kinda Naughty
okay yeah never, ever again. I'd rather listen to Little Big Town's "Girl Crush" three times.
Oh wait! Since I got my mom pre-interested with half a dozen of my favorite performances from the first post, once the library has it on DVD* I'm going to try watching it with her. Without even vetting it for content outside the songs, despite knowing that this may be a grave mistake because being on the CW will not prevent it from being too raunchy for me to stomach watching with her, and I'm pretty sure all the worst songs I've met so far happened in the first quarter to first third of the year. But nah, it'll be fine.
I mean, could it really be any worse than J.Lo's "The Boy Next Door"?
*SUDDEN HORRIBLE QUESTION: will the DVD be identical to the broadcast version, or will they be like "F YEAH UNRATED/EXPLICIT VERSIONS ALL THE WAY"? Can someone who's seen it on Netflix confirm? Also, should I be worried that its early arrival on Netflix will result in it NOT being on DVD?