RS (rainbowstevie) wrote,


Weird...I actually wrote a fic. A full 1500-word oneshot complete with an introduction, a conclusion, and all 3-4 scenes flowing together with no gaps asking myself how to get from here to way over there -- a more complete structure than anything else I've done this decade -- produced in two weeks flat.

Its value lies in its speculation/alternative suggestion for how things might/could occur* while waiting for canon to finalize, so I almost rallied the nerve to release it with minimal editing. If I'd had this weekend off, I might have devoted enough hours to feel comfortable with it. Alas, I was working the whole time, so not only are there are still far too many flags on word choice and questions/decisions about how indulgent I can or should be, ship-wise, it's too close to the finale; it would get lost in what I assume is gonna be an ocean of feelings tonight. Also I am clueless re: title and summary, which are my favorite things to come up with, and I don't want to shortchange them.

*side note: do you know how hard it is to copy Zoo's particular style of "these words make no sense, but they are both authoritiative enough to serve as exposition between scenes and also vague enough to make you just give up and go with it"? I think I did a pretty bang-up job with the intro I reluctantly had to add to set up context.

So I shall continue to sit on it, and groom it, and probably ultimately release it in the dead of winter when the show is long forgotten in its hibernation.

But first I wanna talk it out, because I've had a lot of feelings about its development.

Me after 2.09: God, now I think I’m hoping Allison dies. We had to sacrifice a woman on Revolution to get Miles back to the one he belonged with, and so help me I will VOTE FOR IT AGAIN.

Me after 2.10, revisiting what was formerly mostly a joke after the show decided it wasn't an easily ignored one night stand: Look, I'm just saying, wherever they clash with Davies there are probably dudes with guns. it's not improbable they'd fatally wing her while racing to finalize the cure, some women would consider it not-terrible to die the way of Eponine, and oh whoops my fingers slipped.

Me later that night: *has written a thousand words of fic that manages to simultaneously kill Allison, get my ship back together, and boldly throw Clementine into the mix to indulge my fondness for the father-daughter bond/assorted fuzziness/protective instincts and also any excuse for Jamie to be responsible for her*

"Huh. So I can just...make all that happen."

Planned Author's Note/Disclaimer: I respect Allison, as a general rule, though she makes it difficult to love her. I really didn't want to be the person who does the Die For Our Ship thing, especially to a female character. But Revolution did it first with unfortunately spectacular results, and my brain would not let it alone without making up an alternate version.

Me after 2.11 and Allison tells Mitch that contrary to his beliefs, he and Jamie are not only not meant to be together, they're going to destroy each other: aw hell no.

Amended Author's Notes: ...and then she tried to blow up my ship on her way out and suddenly I was full-on "there is nothing I do better than revenge" inspired to finish it.

Anyway, now I'm doubting myself on a variety of levels (should I not have killed off Audra? But then I'd have to have them trying to find her instead of knowing it's a lost cause, whereas nobody's gonna be that worried about finding Justin immediately if Mitch has Clem. Is it overly convenient that Clementine is asleep? How irresponsible is it for them to make out in a commons area on the other side of a wall from traumatized daughter, sleeping or not? I should probably definitely dial that down. Crap. Can I even still get away with a kiss at all? I mean I feel pretty strongly that he would be sufficiently overwhelmed by the past week of extreme stress and whiplashy emotions to want to surrender to the one thing that has always made sense, but now that I've gone ahead and introduced a kid, the actual prospect of doing so in this situation feels less wise. Can't delete the kid, as that is backbone of story, but also can't add anyone else to watch her because the isolation is also key. SIGH. Can I use "he's been a dad for 5 minutes" to excuse inconsistencies?), which I'm sure I'll be able to reconcile, but definitely not until I give it the customary tusslin' period while I fuss and prod and poke at it for hours across a long period of time.

In the meantime, even if no one else could enjoy it, it has been the most soothing retreat for me as my finale-related anxiety shoots off the charts on a daily basis. Just a few hours away now, and at last I will be free of this nightmare grip to either relax, relax after turning into a 48-hour rage tornado first, or fall into the customary 48-72 hour mourning period of fandom depression. The first one is a long shot and I've got even odds on the other two, honestly.
Tags: fanfic, zoo

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